Heart break is a thing, a very sucky thing, that we will all probably experience, unfortunately. It hurts, and you don't know why. You know it's because you liked this person, you really liked this person. You trusted them, and you thought that they'd never lie to you. But you were wrong.
This post is going to be personal. Because it's a thing that so many people go through. It may not be related to civil rights or social justice, but I think it deserves to be talked about. Coming from a situation that happened to me about two weeks ago, I have some unfortunate experience in the department of heartbreak.
My situation is difficult. I was naïve, I knew what I was getting into. I mean, what can you expect when the boy you're "talking" to tells you his "ex" girlfriend is pregnant? I know, I know. Don't judge me. I didn't know they were still dating, and get this, there was a third girl. He had a pregnant girlfriend, a "friends with benefits", and me, the girl he kept stringing along.
This is going to be rough, I'll be honest. I knew this kid for a long time, since middle school. We'd lost touch because we went to different high schools, but reconnected a couple of months ago. I thought he was still the same fun-loving blue-eyed boy I had a crush on in eighth grade. I was smitten.
But people change. The worst part of it all was realizing that it was all a lie. When he wasn't talking to you, he was talking to her. When he wasn't telling you he liked you, he was telling her he loves her. It was all a lie, and I was a fool for believing it.
We'd been talking for two months when he told me he loved me. I know, I thought the same thing. Too soon. He wouldn't even define the relationship, but that makes sense now that I know he was already in one. Two huge red flags.
I found out when his girlfriend messaged me on twitter after she read his messages. In 24 hours, he had told me he loved me and broken my heart. It's crazy how fast things change.
I haven't talked to him in three weeks, but I saw him three days ago, at a soccer tournament. And dangit, all of those feelings came back. I went home and cried, not a cute cry, an ugly one, a "gasping for air" cry because I didn't know how else to express my emotions.
This whole situation has been sucky, but it's shown me how many amazing people I have in my life. Shout out to my best friend, Claire. You helped me realize how lucky I am that I got out of that situation when I did. Thank you for watching me cry and telling me I'm worth more than anything he ever deserved.
Thank you to my mom. You are definitely the strongest woman I know, and through everything, you're helping me become a strong woman. You hold me when I cry and help pick up the pieces. You listen to my angry rants and add in a few choice words and opinions, and I love you to the moon and back.
Thank you to my co-workers. For offering to egg his car and break his windows, however entertaining these actions would have been, they wouldn't have done anything. Thank you for holding me when I cry and wiping my tears. Telling me I'm worth so much more. Thanks for the hugs, I truly love you guys.
If you've been through this, or you're going through this or you're scared of it. Don't be. You're strong. You're worth more than he (or she) deserves. Focus on you. Heartbreak is rough and it sucks and all you want to do is sit in bed and watch The Notebook while crying. Do that for one day. Then, you have to get up off of your butt and focus on you. Go get what you want, focus on school or friends or making more friends. Don't dwell on that dumb boy.
I need to realize it's not my fault. I'm not the one who messed up, he did. He's a lesson to me, but to him, I'm a loss. I'm freaking awesome, and he didn't realize that. So I feel bad for him. He's going to be a father in less than five months and I'll be applying to colleges.
If you're hurting, I know what it's like, but you'll survive. And you'll eventually find someone you "zing" with, I just know it.
stay peaceful (and learn)!!
No comments:
Post a Comment