Therapy is a foreign concept for some, and for others it can be a saving grace.
What do you think of when you hear the word, "therapy"? Do you think of a cold room? A couch? Ink images where you say what first comes to mind? A man or woman sitting behind a legal pad with their glasses at the tip of their nose, asking the occasional, "and how does that make you feel?"?
If so, you're probably at the same level as most Americans, who don't really understand the concept behind therapy and how much it can actually help someone.
I've written semi-personal pieces on this blog. And this one will probably be another one, but it's not as difficult for me to talk about as some other topics.
I go to a psychiatrist. I think a lot of teenagers probably do, they're just scared to admit it. It helps a lot actually. It's hard for me to talk about what's upsetting me, most of the time. Then other times it all rambles out and I can't stop talking, but that's not good either.
I tried therapy before and it never really helped. But this time I'm talking to a man, I'm not sure if that's why it's easier but it does help. It might also be because I just need it more, either way, it's helping.
This blog post isn't just about me though, it's about people that knowingly, or unknowingly make light of therapy. Most people probably don't know that they're making fun of it.
"I need therapy, I'm going crazy." or "I need therapy, I'm stressed." I'm not saying therapy is the same for everyone, but it's certainly usually more than a one time deal. I go once every other week. You may go once and feel better, but either way. It's not something to make light of.
Therapy is serious and can be the only thing keeping a person afloat. They don't get asked how various scenarios make them feel, or if they're happy or sad. They get asked questions, about them, about how they think, and about the people in their life.
Keep this in mind the next time someone tells you they've just been or they're going to therapy.
stay peaceful (and considerate)!!
Sunday, April 17, 2016
Tuesday, April 12, 2016
Equal Pay Day
Scrolling through my Instagram feed I came across a post, in big bold letters it said, "Celebrate Equal Pay Day!" This was posted by the account "UNWOMEN", I highly suggest you give them a follow. However, when I saw this post and read the caption I was kind of upset. When I read, "equal pay" I thought it meant that we had finally gained equality. We had finally made the extra 21 cents and were finally considered equal. I was wrong.
Equal Pay Day signifies the day that marks how far into the year women had to work to make the same amount of money that men had made the previous year. So essentially, if I was part of a full time workforce, I would have to work sixteen months and twelve days instead of twelve months for me to make the same amount of money as my male counterpart.
Equal pay is such a large step towards equality that would not only benefit women, but everyone. What's wrong with women being paid the same? Absolutely nothing. If you can stand in front of me, look me straight in the eyes and tell me why women who do the exact same job should get paid less than their male counterparts, solely because they have two X chromosomes and not an X and a Y, I'll give you a round of applause. Because I firmly believe you can't.
There has been a little step up towards equality. The wage gap was previously 78 cents for every one dollar earned and it has jumped to 79. It's not a big step, but hopefully it leads to strides. This is only the average for all women though. Women of different races make far less, and sometimes more than white women. Asian-American women make $0.84 for every dollar a man earns, while African-American women make $0.60 per every dollar. And women of Hispanic ethnicities make only $0.55 per every dollar. In Germany, women can only expect to make 49% less than men throughout their lifetime.
Women aren't the only population being harmed by this inequality. Families aren't able thrive as much as they should be. Children aren't provided for as best as they could be, especially in single-mother homes. By having equal pay between genders, we would only be increasing the standard of living for families all over the United States, and the world.
Some people like to dispute the wage gap, by saying that there is no wage gap, women make less because they take off family time and even that women make less because they are less educated.
facts taken from Cosmopolitan and UNWomen
stay peaceful (and close the gap)!!
Equal Pay Day signifies the day that marks how far into the year women had to work to make the same amount of money that men had made the previous year. So essentially, if I was part of a full time workforce, I would have to work sixteen months and twelve days instead of twelve months for me to make the same amount of money as my male counterpart.
Equal pay is such a large step towards equality that would not only benefit women, but everyone. What's wrong with women being paid the same? Absolutely nothing. If you can stand in front of me, look me straight in the eyes and tell me why women who do the exact same job should get paid less than their male counterparts, solely because they have two X chromosomes and not an X and a Y, I'll give you a round of applause. Because I firmly believe you can't.
There has been a little step up towards equality. The wage gap was previously 78 cents for every one dollar earned and it has jumped to 79. It's not a big step, but hopefully it leads to strides. This is only the average for all women though. Women of different races make far less, and sometimes more than white women. Asian-American women make $0.84 for every dollar a man earns, while African-American women make $0.60 per every dollar. And women of Hispanic ethnicities make only $0.55 per every dollar. In Germany, women can only expect to make 49% less than men throughout their lifetime.
Women aren't the only population being harmed by this inequality. Families aren't able thrive as much as they should be. Children aren't provided for as best as they could be, especially in single-mother homes. By having equal pay between genders, we would only be increasing the standard of living for families all over the United States, and the world.
Some people like to dispute the wage gap, by saying that there is no wage gap, women make less because they take off family time and even that women make less because they are less educated.
- There definitely is a wage gap and if you dispute if you're an ignorant coward. Some people claim that women just choose jobs that don't make as much as men. I call bullcrap. When you break down salaries inside certain industries, women still make less than men. Research released last month showed that in the tech industry, specifically dentistry, men earned roughly 28% more than the women in their fields.
- Women don't earn less because they're having children. Companies and large corporations assume that women will prioritize their families over their work. The, "Motherhood Penalty" as it's known is proved by the fact that men's wages go up when they have children, while married women's wages go down when they children.
- FALSE. There are actually more women graduation college and more women receiving masters, doctorates and other degrees. A higher education doesn't get rid of the wage gap, it still remains the same.
facts taken from Cosmopolitan and UNWomen
stay peaceful (and close the gap)!!
Sunday, April 10, 2016
feminist vs. misandrist
There is a difference between feminism and misandry, a rather large difference actually.
Merriam-Webster defines misandry as the hatred of men. Essentially, misandry is the exact opposite of misogyny, which is the hatred of women.
Unfortunately, many uneducated men (and women) believe feminism and misandry go hand in hand. They don't. Feminists don't hate men. They advocate for equality of everyone, women and men. But because feminists want women to be equal to men, it automatically makes them a misandrist and an avid "man-hater".
If anyone considers themselves a feminist, they shouldn't also say that they hate men. They shouldn't constantly call all men pigs and rapists. They shouldn't constantly degrade and attack all men, just because they are men. That is not the definition of a true feminist.
A true feminist aims to educate those men that don't "understand" feminism, even though equality shouldn't be that confusing. A true feminist aims to work with men to create a more equal society for everyone. Every man and woman of every race, religion, gender and sexual orientation. Equality is equality.
I'm a feminist. I'm pretty kicka$$ feminist too. I don't hate all men, some men and boys get on my nerves, but I don't hate them. I don't think all men are evil, and sure as heck don't think all men are rapists.
There's a fine line between feminism and misandry and we can't work together for equality until that line is defined and we get rid of misandry and misogyny.
stay peaceful (and fight for equality)!!
Merriam-Webster defines misandry as the hatred of men. Essentially, misandry is the exact opposite of misogyny, which is the hatred of women.
Unfortunately, many uneducated men (and women) believe feminism and misandry go hand in hand. They don't. Feminists don't hate men. They advocate for equality of everyone, women and men. But because feminists want women to be equal to men, it automatically makes them a misandrist and an avid "man-hater".
If anyone considers themselves a feminist, they shouldn't also say that they hate men. They shouldn't constantly call all men pigs and rapists. They shouldn't constantly degrade and attack all men, just because they are men. That is not the definition of a true feminist.
A true feminist aims to educate those men that don't "understand" feminism, even though equality shouldn't be that confusing. A true feminist aims to work with men to create a more equal society for everyone. Every man and woman of every race, religion, gender and sexual orientation. Equality is equality.
I'm a feminist. I'm pretty kicka$$ feminist too. I don't hate all men, some men and boys get on my nerves, but I don't hate them. I don't think all men are evil, and sure as heck don't think all men are rapists.
There's a fine line between feminism and misandry and we can't work together for equality until that line is defined and we get rid of misandry and misogyny.
stay peaceful (and fight for equality)!!
one in three
One in three women will experience domestic violence in their life time. That's 33%. Thirty freaking three percent. That's ridiculous.
That means, if you're sitting in a room with your sister, your mother, and your grandmother, statistically one of them will or have experienced domestic violence. That puts it into perspective. We can all say we don't know someone who has experienced domestic violence, but I think we know that's a myth.
Many women experience violence from spouses and loved ones, it's about whether they speak up or not. Women who don't speak up are not any less brave than the women who do. They're scared though, and we can't ignore that.
A couple of weeks ago, I was talking to an acquaintance. We aren't really friends but have (or had) a mutual "friend". This acquaintance is sixteen and pregnant, and I believe she is being brainwashed. That's a big claim, I know, but listen. Her boyfriend has cheated on her with three girls. THREE and that was all at the same time. He blatantly disrespects her, I've seen screenshots of the texts he sends her. But the thing that got me the most was the fact that she was scared of him. Of him yelling at her. Of him raising his hand and almost hitting her. Of him balling up his fists and almost throwing a punch.
I told her to get out, but she didn't listen. He loves her, or that's what he says. I'm not judging, I just hope she gets out from under his controlling grip before she or her baby are hurt.
I'd like to think I'd have the courage to leave a relationship like that. I just hope I'm never in a relationship like that. I hope I never feel so controlled that I'm literally scared of my husband or boyfriend every time he moves.
Some terrifying statistics provided by the National Coalition Against Domestic Violence:
We need to stand together, or things will only get worse.
When looking up domestic violence hotline number on my phone, a scary warning popped up. It was a pop up that could block me from visiting the website because many abusers monitor computer and internet history. That's terrifying.
Domestic Violence hotline: 1-800-799-7233
stay peaceful (and safe)!!
That means, if you're sitting in a room with your sister, your mother, and your grandmother, statistically one of them will or have experienced domestic violence. That puts it into perspective. We can all say we don't know someone who has experienced domestic violence, but I think we know that's a myth.
Many women experience violence from spouses and loved ones, it's about whether they speak up or not. Women who don't speak up are not any less brave than the women who do. They're scared though, and we can't ignore that.
A couple of weeks ago, I was talking to an acquaintance. We aren't really friends but have (or had) a mutual "friend". This acquaintance is sixteen and pregnant, and I believe she is being brainwashed. That's a big claim, I know, but listen. Her boyfriend has cheated on her with three girls. THREE and that was all at the same time. He blatantly disrespects her, I've seen screenshots of the texts he sends her. But the thing that got me the most was the fact that she was scared of him. Of him yelling at her. Of him raising his hand and almost hitting her. Of him balling up his fists and almost throwing a punch.
I told her to get out, but she didn't listen. He loves her, or that's what he says. I'm not judging, I just hope she gets out from under his controlling grip before she or her baby are hurt.
I'd like to think I'd have the courage to leave a relationship like that. I just hope I'm never in a relationship like that. I hope I never feel so controlled that I'm literally scared of my husband or boyfriend every time he moves.
Some terrifying statistics provided by the National Coalition Against Domestic Violence:
- Every 9 seconds in the US a woman is assaulted or beaten
- On a typical day, there are more than 20,000 phone calls placed to domestic violence hotlines nationwide
- Women between the ages of 18-24 are most commonly abused by an intimate partner
- Domestic victimization is correlated with a higher rate of depression and suicidal behavior
- Only 34% of people who are injured by intimate partners receive medical care for their injuries
- The presence of a gun in a domestic violence situation increases the risk of homicide by 500%
- 1 in 4 men have been victims or some form of physical violence by an intimate partner within in their lifetime
We need to stand together, or things will only get worse.
When looking up domestic violence hotline number on my phone, a scary warning popped up. It was a pop up that could block me from visiting the website because many abusers monitor computer and internet history. That's terrifying.
Domestic Violence hotline: 1-800-799-7233
stay peaceful (and safe)!!
Thursday, April 7, 2016
Brussels
It's been a couple weeks since the Brussels bombing. It's a tough subject to blog about. Bombing, that is. I don't know why they keep happening and I don't really know if my voice will make a difference, but maybe it can.
All I ask is why? Why do we feel the need to repeatedly bomb each other? To terrorize? I know the world will never be 100% peaceful. We won't always get along. I know there are politicians who are corrupt and politicians who don't get along. I know all of this. And I am still flabbergasted at how we can be so terrorizing.
These attacks were during rush hour, obviously planned to affect the most people at once. More than 30 people were left dead and 200 wounded.
In Brussels' Zeventem Airport, a suicide bomber struck around 8 am. The bomb collapsed ceilings and broke glass everywhere. People fled from the smoking building carrying whatever they could. Videos and photos are all over the internet. They show images that may be difficult to look at, I know I struggled.
The Maelbeek Station was also hit. This explosion caused chaos that was close to the European Union headquarters in the center of the city. Were these explosions sending a message to the European Union? Images from this explosion were difficult to look at as well, but what can you expect? When you're told of an explosion happening and terrorist attacks spread throughout Brussels you can't expect decent images.
After the attacks most of Belgium shut down. Children were ordered to stay in school. Transit systems were shut down, most tunnels were closed to traffic. Lock down was lifted eventually, but Belgium stayed under a level 4 threat, warning citizens and all people to be vigilant and pay attention. Be careful and safe.
France and Germany stepped up vigilance. Doing the best they can to keep their citizens safe.
I used to not be scared of terrorism. You know? I didn't think it would affect me, I thought I was safe, I thought because I live in America I was safe. I feel safer than people in Europe probably do. They're closer to the middle east and certain organizations. But we're slowly learning that oceans don't necessarily mean you're safe. Watching the news and seeing new terrorist attacks almost everyday doesn't do much to keep a person in the safe mentality.
I offer my condolences to all of the families affected by these horrible attacks. Even if it's two weeks late, I still care the same. We need to unite. To come together as a world, to fight against terrorism.
stay peaceful!!
All I ask is why? Why do we feel the need to repeatedly bomb each other? To terrorize? I know the world will never be 100% peaceful. We won't always get along. I know there are politicians who are corrupt and politicians who don't get along. I know all of this. And I am still flabbergasted at how we can be so terrorizing.
These attacks were during rush hour, obviously planned to affect the most people at once. More than 30 people were left dead and 200 wounded.
In Brussels' Zeventem Airport, a suicide bomber struck around 8 am. The bomb collapsed ceilings and broke glass everywhere. People fled from the smoking building carrying whatever they could. Videos and photos are all over the internet. They show images that may be difficult to look at, I know I struggled.
The Maelbeek Station was also hit. This explosion caused chaos that was close to the European Union headquarters in the center of the city. Were these explosions sending a message to the European Union? Images from this explosion were difficult to look at as well, but what can you expect? When you're told of an explosion happening and terrorist attacks spread throughout Brussels you can't expect decent images.
After the attacks most of Belgium shut down. Children were ordered to stay in school. Transit systems were shut down, most tunnels were closed to traffic. Lock down was lifted eventually, but Belgium stayed under a level 4 threat, warning citizens and all people to be vigilant and pay attention. Be careful and safe.
France and Germany stepped up vigilance. Doing the best they can to keep their citizens safe.
I used to not be scared of terrorism. You know? I didn't think it would affect me, I thought I was safe, I thought because I live in America I was safe. I feel safer than people in Europe probably do. They're closer to the middle east and certain organizations. But we're slowly learning that oceans don't necessarily mean you're safe. Watching the news and seeing new terrorist attacks almost everyday doesn't do much to keep a person in the safe mentality.
I offer my condolences to all of the families affected by these horrible attacks. Even if it's two weeks late, I still care the same. We need to unite. To come together as a world, to fight against terrorism.
stay peaceful!!
Sunday, April 3, 2016
Best Fake Smile
James Bay, or "Bae", whichever you prefer. He's my newfound love. Truly.
I listen to his deluxe album almost everyday. And all of the songs are truly beautiful, some make me cry and some make me have a mini-dance party on the way to school in the morning. One of my favorite songs of his is "Best Fake Smile".
No you don't have to wear your best fake smile
Don't have to stand there and burn inside
These lyrics are so good and straight to the point. If you're not happy, leave. If a situation makes you mad, upset, uncomfortable or sad, leave. Don't fake a smile and don't fake being happy for the sake of others, because they probably won't do the same things for you.
Don't burn inside, if you're hurting, let it out! Let it go and express your feelings, that's the only way you'll ever feel better, truly, let it out. Don't burn inside, be free outside.
And you don't have to care so don't pretend
Nobody needs a best fake friend
You don't have to care, and if you don't, don't act like you do! Don't be insincere for the sake of sparing someone's feelings because it'll only hurt them more in the end. Be real and don't feel bad for being real!
You don't need a best fake friend! You need sincere people, if you're not happy with a friendship or someone isn't being an ideal support for you, take some time and cut them out. Toxic people create toxic situations and those are never good.
This song is awesome, and I definitely recommend any other James Bay song because they are all so incredibly beautiful. If You Ever Want To Be In Love is my second favorite, just in case you wanted to know!
stay peaceful (and have a real smile, not a fake one)!!
I listen to his deluxe album almost everyday. And all of the songs are truly beautiful, some make me cry and some make me have a mini-dance party on the way to school in the morning. One of my favorite songs of his is "Best Fake Smile".
No you don't have to wear your best fake smile
Don't have to stand there and burn inside
These lyrics are so good and straight to the point. If you're not happy, leave. If a situation makes you mad, upset, uncomfortable or sad, leave. Don't fake a smile and don't fake being happy for the sake of others, because they probably won't do the same things for you.
Don't burn inside, if you're hurting, let it out! Let it go and express your feelings, that's the only way you'll ever feel better, truly, let it out. Don't burn inside, be free outside.
And you don't have to care so don't pretend
Nobody needs a best fake friend
You don't have to care, and if you don't, don't act like you do! Don't be insincere for the sake of sparing someone's feelings because it'll only hurt them more in the end. Be real and don't feel bad for being real!
You don't need a best fake friend! You need sincere people, if you're not happy with a friendship or someone isn't being an ideal support for you, take some time and cut them out. Toxic people create toxic situations and those are never good.
This song is awesome, and I definitely recommend any other James Bay song because they are all so incredibly beautiful. If You Ever Want To Be In Love is my second favorite, just in case you wanted to know!
stay peaceful (and have a real smile, not a fake one)!!
He's a Lesson, and It's Good He's In The Past
Heart break is a thing, a very sucky thing, that we will all probably experience, unfortunately. It hurts, and you don't know why. You know it's because you liked this person, you really liked this person. You trusted them, and you thought that they'd never lie to you. But you were wrong.
This post is going to be personal. Because it's a thing that so many people go through. It may not be related to civil rights or social justice, but I think it deserves to be talked about. Coming from a situation that happened to me about two weeks ago, I have some unfortunate experience in the department of heartbreak.
My situation is difficult. I was naïve, I knew what I was getting into. I mean, what can you expect when the boy you're "talking" to tells you his "ex" girlfriend is pregnant? I know, I know. Don't judge me. I didn't know they were still dating, and get this, there was a third girl. He had a pregnant girlfriend, a "friends with benefits", and me, the girl he kept stringing along.
This is going to be rough, I'll be honest. I knew this kid for a long time, since middle school. We'd lost touch because we went to different high schools, but reconnected a couple of months ago. I thought he was still the same fun-loving blue-eyed boy I had a crush on in eighth grade. I was smitten.
But people change. The worst part of it all was realizing that it was all a lie. When he wasn't talking to you, he was talking to her. When he wasn't telling you he liked you, he was telling her he loves her. It was all a lie, and I was a fool for believing it.
We'd been talking for two months when he told me he loved me. I know, I thought the same thing. Too soon. He wouldn't even define the relationship, but that makes sense now that I know he was already in one. Two huge red flags.
I found out when his girlfriend messaged me on twitter after she read his messages. In 24 hours, he had told me he loved me and broken my heart. It's crazy how fast things change.
I haven't talked to him in three weeks, but I saw him three days ago, at a soccer tournament. And dangit, all of those feelings came back. I went home and cried, not a cute cry, an ugly one, a "gasping for air" cry because I didn't know how else to express my emotions.
This whole situation has been sucky, but it's shown me how many amazing people I have in my life. Shout out to my best friend, Claire. You helped me realize how lucky I am that I got out of that situation when I did. Thank you for watching me cry and telling me I'm worth more than anything he ever deserved.
Thank you to my mom. You are definitely the strongest woman I know, and through everything, you're helping me become a strong woman. You hold me when I cry and help pick up the pieces. You listen to my angry rants and add in a few choice words and opinions, and I love you to the moon and back.
Thank you to my co-workers. For offering to egg his car and break his windows, however entertaining these actions would have been, they wouldn't have done anything. Thank you for holding me when I cry and wiping my tears. Telling me I'm worth so much more. Thanks for the hugs, I truly love you guys.
If you've been through this, or you're going through this or you're scared of it. Don't be. You're strong. You're worth more than he (or she) deserves. Focus on you. Heartbreak is rough and it sucks and all you want to do is sit in bed and watch The Notebook while crying. Do that for one day. Then, you have to get up off of your butt and focus on you. Go get what you want, focus on school or friends or making more friends. Don't dwell on that dumb boy.
I need to realize it's not my fault. I'm not the one who messed up, he did. He's a lesson to me, but to him, I'm a loss. I'm freaking awesome, and he didn't realize that. So I feel bad for him. He's going to be a father in less than five months and I'll be applying to colleges.
If you're hurting, I know what it's like, but you'll survive. And you'll eventually find someone you "zing" with, I just know it.
stay peaceful (and learn)!!
This post is going to be personal. Because it's a thing that so many people go through. It may not be related to civil rights or social justice, but I think it deserves to be talked about. Coming from a situation that happened to me about two weeks ago, I have some unfortunate experience in the department of heartbreak.
My situation is difficult. I was naïve, I knew what I was getting into. I mean, what can you expect when the boy you're "talking" to tells you his "ex" girlfriend is pregnant? I know, I know. Don't judge me. I didn't know they were still dating, and get this, there was a third girl. He had a pregnant girlfriend, a "friends with benefits", and me, the girl he kept stringing along.
This is going to be rough, I'll be honest. I knew this kid for a long time, since middle school. We'd lost touch because we went to different high schools, but reconnected a couple of months ago. I thought he was still the same fun-loving blue-eyed boy I had a crush on in eighth grade. I was smitten.
But people change. The worst part of it all was realizing that it was all a lie. When he wasn't talking to you, he was talking to her. When he wasn't telling you he liked you, he was telling her he loves her. It was all a lie, and I was a fool for believing it.
We'd been talking for two months when he told me he loved me. I know, I thought the same thing. Too soon. He wouldn't even define the relationship, but that makes sense now that I know he was already in one. Two huge red flags.
I found out when his girlfriend messaged me on twitter after she read his messages. In 24 hours, he had told me he loved me and broken my heart. It's crazy how fast things change.
I haven't talked to him in three weeks, but I saw him three days ago, at a soccer tournament. And dangit, all of those feelings came back. I went home and cried, not a cute cry, an ugly one, a "gasping for air" cry because I didn't know how else to express my emotions.
This whole situation has been sucky, but it's shown me how many amazing people I have in my life. Shout out to my best friend, Claire. You helped me realize how lucky I am that I got out of that situation when I did. Thank you for watching me cry and telling me I'm worth more than anything he ever deserved.
Thank you to my mom. You are definitely the strongest woman I know, and through everything, you're helping me become a strong woman. You hold me when I cry and help pick up the pieces. You listen to my angry rants and add in a few choice words and opinions, and I love you to the moon and back.
Thank you to my co-workers. For offering to egg his car and break his windows, however entertaining these actions would have been, they wouldn't have done anything. Thank you for holding me when I cry and wiping my tears. Telling me I'm worth so much more. Thanks for the hugs, I truly love you guys.
If you've been through this, or you're going through this or you're scared of it. Don't be. You're strong. You're worth more than he (or she) deserves. Focus on you. Heartbreak is rough and it sucks and all you want to do is sit in bed and watch The Notebook while crying. Do that for one day. Then, you have to get up off of your butt and focus on you. Go get what you want, focus on school or friends or making more friends. Don't dwell on that dumb boy.
I need to realize it's not my fault. I'm not the one who messed up, he did. He's a lesson to me, but to him, I'm a loss. I'm freaking awesome, and he didn't realize that. So I feel bad for him. He's going to be a father in less than five months and I'll be applying to colleges.
If you're hurting, I know what it's like, but you'll survive. And you'll eventually find someone you "zing" with, I just know it.
stay peaceful (and learn)!!
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